Lethargy Crisis
by Soulless Warlock
Summary: HarmonVerse! Rachel and Sam discuss the soaring costs of gasoline only to have some interlopers give their opinions on how the crisis should be resolved. Lovingly ripped off that the RvB PSA of the same title. Read and Review please.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, that honor goes to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk, nor do I own any of the songs featured in this story, that goes to their writers, record companies, and artists. The only things I own are the OCs and, well, that's about it.**

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**A/N: This scene is lovingly ripped off from the PSA sections of the popular web series, _Red vs. Blue_, which I have just finished watching. I tweaked a little bit of it to fit the Glee universe.**

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Rachel finished setting up the cameras, making sure they were all stable. Considering that this was the first video she was doing outside of her room, she wasn't taking any chances.

"Why do we have to do it front of Jack's car?" Sam questioned from the smoking heap that was known as McClaine.

"Because it's the best example of why the energy crisis needs to be resolved," Rachel explained.

"I would've thought it's the best example of a guy who thinks his car should go the route of Bruce Willis in the _Die Hard _series," Sam quipped.

Rachel reached into her pocket and pulled out the remote, activating the camera.

"Hi, I'm Rachel Berry," she said to the camera.

"And I'm Sam Evans," he announced. "And we're talk to you about the soaring cost of energy prices specifically gasoline."

Rachel nodded. "Gas prices are so high right now that some people have had to cut back on basic necessities just to afford to drive to work."

"Not really. My brother just stopped going to work," Sam interjected.

"To help understand the seemingly never ending rise in gas prices," Rachel pressed on, "I asked my friend, Sam, to build us a primer to explain the complex economic system behind gasoline production and distribution."

"Yeah," Sam droned, turning to Rachel sheepishly, "that actually turned out to be a lot more reading that I thought. So, I just rented a copy of _Mad Max _instead."

He quickly turned back to the cameras, holding up his primer, which was a picture of a kangaroo being chased by a dude in a hockey mask, swinging a machete and yelling, "G'day, mate!"

"From what I can tell," he explained, "the gas crisis has something to do with people in Australia that really like S&M and bondage."

"You knuckleheads have got it completely wrong as usual," Jack Harmon interrupted as he walked over to the trunk of his smoking car, a shovel in his hand.

Jack walked over to the cameras.

"High gas prices aren't caused by supply and demand, it's all the taxes."

"Taxes?" Sam asked.

"That's right," Jack crowed. "Don't you know that for every dollar you spend for regular, unleaded gasoline, the government takes 137 cents?"

"Jack, I think your math might be a little off," Rachel said.

"And they tax you more for the good stuff," Jack continued. "That's why mid-grade and premium are always exactly 10 cents more per gallon no matter what regular costs."

"That doesn't make any sense," Sam argued, pausing for a moment. "Or wait…does it?"

"Besides," Jack stated, "everyone knows that gasoline comes from dinosaurs, and if we're running out of gas, the solution isn't to drive less; it's to kill more dinosaurs."

"All the dinosaurs are already dead," Sam argued.

"It doesn't have to be just dinosaurs, moron. Any animal turns into oil when it dies. So remember," Jack turned to the cameras, "if you want to be environmentally friendly, _just kill every living thing you see!_ And bury it."

"But that process takes millions of years," Rachel shouted.

Jack shrugged. "I've got time."

"Jack, why do you have a shovel?" Rachel asked, finally bringing up the elephant in the room.

"No reason," Jack said.

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Across the school, the product of Jack's action could be seen. Puck's hand pushed out of the makeshift grave. On the grave, it read "Here Lies Puck" or, as Jack wanted him to be known, "Unleaded."

"Let me outta here!" Puck screamed at the top of his lungs. "There's worms!"

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"Guys," Jack continued, "we could debate the fine points all day. But, the fact remains that a gallon of gas still costs less today than a gallon of milk."

"Yeah, but you don't drink three gallons of milk every time you drive to school," Sam said.

"Maybe you don't," Jack countered.

"Well," Rachel said, turning back to the camera, "we may never figure out why gas costs so much. But, you can, at least, take steps to save money. First, try cutting out other petroleum based items besides gasoline like paraffin wax, lube oil, synthetic latex, and rubber."

"Man, Kurt just saved a ton of money right there," Sam quipped.

"Of course, the easiest way to save is on your commute," Rachel pulled out a picture of a Hummer. "Like, try switching your current daily driver to a smaller vehicle," she held up another picture, this time of Hummer limo, "instead of the full size you probably drive now."

"Or you could try carpooling to work or school," Sam suggested. "Or, how 'bout this? How 'bout you use your own two feet and walk?"

"Ah, don't be a pussy," Jack growled.

"Of course, cutting back on the amount of gas you use can be difficult," Rachel explained. "Most people have a near insatiable thirst for gas. I know I do."

As if on cue, Brittany wondered in front of the camera.

"Me too," she said. "I drank two gallons this morning."

Rachel, Jack, and Sam groaned in frustration.

"Brittany!" Rachel exclaimed. "I wasn't using the word 'thirst' literally."

Brittany blinked. "Oh," she groaned. "My tummy feels a little weird."

With that, the blonde Cheerio belched and a flame shot out of her mouth.

"Keep that away from McClaine," Jack screamed, throwing himself in front of his car.

Sam turned to Rachel. "You know," he said, "that would be a lot of fun at parties."

"I'm just glad it came out of her mouth," Rachel said, quickly turning off the cameras.

The whole PSA was a wash.

"C'mon, Rachel," Jack said, forcing the driver side door open. "I'll drive you home."

Rachel nodded and went about collecting her cameras. Jack started the car, only for it to slowly die.

"Ah crap," Jack growled. "Anyone have a gallon of unleaded?

"How 'bout a gallon of milk?" Sam quipped, walking away from the parking lot.

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**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed reading this story because it was a lot of fin to write. It's strange how Red vs. Blue seems to work in the Glee world so long as we leave out the science fiction elements and go with character personalities. At least, that's how I see it.**


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